vineri, 29 decembrie 2017

Still bleeding

I never understood why you really left because you didn't feel like explaining your actions. I guess I gave you enough reasons... Was it easy for you to make that decision? Did you spend days thinking if that's the best thing to do or you knew for sure that you have to get rid of me so that you can be happy? I'm sorry if I ever pulled you down.

I don't care about you anymore. I don't care if you are alive or dead. You don't cross my mind like you used to. This was the first year that I forgot about your birthday .... it's been 4 years since you left. But there are night like this when I regret telling people about you, about how bad I got hurted by your leaving, because they somehow manage to open my wounds everytime.

I don't miss you, I don't want you back. There's nothing left of what I knew of you anyway. But it still hurts. Even after all this time I couldn't put back the pieces that you broke and I have to live with the constant feeling of hating myself. I'm sorry, I can't act like a grown up and wish you to be happy, I hope someone will screw you up just like you've done to me and spend years trying to fix yourself without knowing exactly what's wrong.

I'm mad at myself for getting back to you again and again when I had so many opportunities to leave. I wish someone could tell me when it's the right moment to let go of someone, but not in the way you did... After 5 years of talking that's all that I deserved? No explanation whatsoever. I guess that much our friendship meant to you. I've never been someone important into your life, I'm glad you got rid of me.

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