vineri, 16 martie 2018

Dear future friend,

Dear future friend,

I know at first I’ll come off as cold and ignorant. That for months in a row I won’t say much than “Hi! How are you?”. I know you’ll think that maybe I can’t stand you because I never seem too excited to talk and I barely manage to mutter a few words.  I know you’ll think that you repulse me because I pull away, in fear, at any physical contact. I know you’ll say that I’m insensitive and mean on the rare occasions when I’ll speak my thoughts out. I know I’ll sound like a total idiot because I’ll keep stutter, confuse words or say things that makes no sense.  I know I’m hard to deal with it …
But I also know that if you stick up by my side for long enough (which, I’m not gonna lie to you, it would take more than a year), I might let you in. I know that then I’ll care about you more than I care for myself, that I’ll patiently listen to what you have to say, that I’ll help you in any way I can. I know I’ll smile when I’ll see you and I’ll run to hug you and then I won’t want to let go. I know I’ll talk for hours about all the random things that goes through my mind until you’ll probably wish that I’ll shut up. My voice would get lounder as my excitement grows and I’ll finally stop worrying about what the people around me will think. I’ll finally feel free to be myself. I would do embarrassing dances in public, I’ll sing with you or I’ll let you take photos of me doing the most ridiculous poses.
But, forgive me from now, I won’t do a great job at comforting you, I won’t be a good shoulder for you to cry on, I won’t be able to give you amazing advices, yet I’ll try my best to make you laugh. I’ll make a fool out of myself just to see you smile. I’ll make stupid jokes that will offend you so please don’t take them seriously, I’ll make even more about myself. I know I’ll have days when I’ll disappear and days when I’ll be so clingy that you won’t be able to get rid of me. I know I’ll hurt you and you’ll hurt me too. I know I’ll overthink things and I’ll annoy you everytime I forget how to think rationally. I know I’ll probably never be able to say to your face how much you mean to me but, I promise, I’ll write about you everytime I’ll get the chance and ,perhaps, someday you’ll  get to read that. And, in that moment, I want you to know that that is the best way I can express my feelings towards you.
I hate most people but maybe I’ll like you.  So … I don’t know if it’s too much to ask but could you give me some time to open up in front of you?

This is for Irina. Thanks for being patient with me, for allowing me to be myself with you and for staying by my side even when I’m falling apart.

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